Worry: The Vicious Trap and how We can Set ourselves Free

Dale Carnegie once said, “Our fatigue is often caused by worry, frustration and resentment.” Worries come uninvited, nobody enjoys their company in fact in his book The Worry Trick, David Carbonall describes it as party crashers, fanatics on a mission to detract you out of focus and though everybody wants to ignore it,  it presents itself again and again until it gets your undivided attention. There is a Swedish proverb that says, "worry often gives a small thing a big shadow". Indeed worry is the gruesome grip of anticipating a hostile future sending us into the abyss of anxiety and fear. It invades every aspect of our lives and often it robs us from leisure, happiness and kills our peace of mind.

Yes, it is perfectly normal to worry. It is part of our existense in fact it is our basic tool for survival. Moreover,  our brains are wired to stay focused on a problem until we find a solution. That is why we often find ourselves overthinking and obessing over things we couldn't find solution or answers to because that is how our brains are designed to function and obsessing is often how we get ourselves entangled in a fit of panic and hopelessness. 

So how do we get ourselves free from worrying about everything:

1. Aknowledge that you are worried 

It's okay to worry about things. Worrying is part of how we thrive day to day. Besides, worrying often makes us feel accomplished or that overthinking makes us feel productive. Human brains are made to solve problems thus we consistently engage ourselves to finding solution to problems until we find an answer. So yes, it is basically human to worry and by acknowledging that we are worried about something offers us an assurance that somehow there is something we can do about it.

2. Postpone your "Worry Period"

Postponing to worry is not denial rather it is gaining control by taming it. It is choosing to indulge in productive thinking as opposed to unproductive overthinking. Worry Postponement is a method derived from a study by Borkover and Lerman 1980, it is when you acknowledge that you are worried but then choose to delay engaging in your thoughts for later. Set a time when to engage yourself thinking about your worries. You can then spend a significant amount of time engaging in your thoughts and the things that makes you anxious or worried about. This method is one of the best way to gain control over your worries and avoid unproductive thinking thus reduce uncessary anxiety.

3. Brain Dump 

Make a list of things you are worried about. This is where journaling comes to the rescue. Brain dumping is the process of putting your thoughts on paper creating a more concrete representation of your thoughts by literally getting the abstract out of your head and dumping it on your paper. You can then set it aside and deal with it later thus postponing when to engage on it. This way you gain control by choosing when you want to engage on your worries and deal with it on a specific time. You can then focus your attention on your current task and make use of your time productively rather than obsessing on your worries. Worrying is like an itch the more you scratch it the more it becomes itchy. So the more we worry, the more worried we get. So the best solution to avoid constant scratching is to ignore it and by the time you address the itch, you have already stopped yourself from scratching. Write all the things you are worried about and forget about it until later.

4. Set a Time Period

Set a time period when you want to sit and think about the things that is worrying you. Plan in advance a time during the day to focus on your worries. Review the things you wrote in your 'brain dump' list.  This is the time you will address variables, factors and solutions on the things that is making you anxious. It is also important to plan in advance what time of the day you can address or engage in your "worry period". Mental health experts also suggested that it is important to not go over more thant 30 minutes of engaging in your worries otherwise it will send you back to compulsively obessing over your worries. So create a schedule when you can  think and look at what you are worried about or when to review your 'braindump' list.

5. Think Period

This is the time when you focus on your worries and think productively. Mental health experts suggested that the ideal time to engage in your worries is at the end of the day or in the evening just not before going to bed. You can then use a strategy to productively categorize your list. Personally, I use the " 4D" method which is the Do, Delay, Delegate and Delete. 

• Do - these are things that you can address or find solutions to rightaway.
• Delay - these are things you can address later. Not urgent.
• Delegate - these are the things you can ask someone to do or help you with.
• Delete - these are things that are unproductive, unnecessary or that there is nothing you can do about it. These are the things you need to let go of and try the best that you can to forget.

This process will also allow us to identify if the things we are worried about earlier are important or not. Usually, by the time we sit down to think about it, we'v already forgotten the things that are not important or productive so we can then tick it off our list and let it go with all its gruesome glory.

6. Distract yoursellf

After spending a reasonable amount of time, must not be more than 30 minutes, you can then distract yourself away from your worry list to focus on your current task. You can do something productive like task that are easily attained, brings you joy or one that calms you. One of the things that I do before I go to bed to distract myself and practice mindfullness is to write in my journal a gratitude list. This way I remind myself that despite of all the things that I am still worried about, there are also things, great or small that I've accomplished and I'm thankful for.

Indeed, worrying doesn't have to take control over our lives. We can with practicng mindfulness and constant practice, we can create a healthy habit to positively cope with out daily worries and set ourselves free from its vicious grips.

 

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Taijin Kyofusho A Case Study

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (2002, p. 917) classifies Taijin Kyofusho, fear of social and interpersonal relations as culture-bound syndrome similar to social phobia which is very common in Japan. An individual who suffers from this syndrome manifest an intense fear that their physical appearance, body functions and attitude may offend and harm other people.

Choy et al. (2007) includes core fear features such as body odor, fear that other people may notice physical defects, awkward behavior or gestures, trembling, blushing or fear of staring that would make another person feel uncomfortable. This extreme fear would result in withdrawal of interpersonal and social interactions. Such intense feeling of fear and worry would lead to depression and anxiety. Taijin Kyofusho has also been distinguished as a “neurotic” symptom.  In East Asian cultures self- understanding is where an individual’s perception of himself is an extension of his social group. In Japan it is consider a virtue if one shows a concern for others and it is encourage to be obedient, passive and submissive which would result to concerns of how the person would affect others.

Maeda (1999) stated that TKS is a compulsive feeling of shame and anxiety which is common in Japan. People would often bring themselves to the Mental Health clinics and report that they have Taijin Kyofusho and they want a cure for the symptoms. However, in order to be diagnosed with KTS the following criteria must be met:

1. Individual reluctantly avoid interpersonal and social interactions.
2. Intense worrying that she/he may not be able to maintain a healthy relationship due to shame, anxiety, tense feeling in social situation and embarrassment.
3. Intense feeling of fear that his/her attitude, physical appearance and body functions are inadequate.

Culture and Body Image: The Japanese Case

Background

Although, Ryder (2000) states that acculturation, where individuals experience a change of environment different from their own may alter the individuals’ sense of self and may have played a significant effect in the development of TKS syndrome.

Kowner (2004) also added that ideal self image due to the rampant exposure to Western Caucasian body ideals as well as the presentation of the ideal body depicted in Japanese comic figure  have influenced the perspective of self image.

Reality, Behavior and Cognitive - Behavior Therapy Treatment for individuals suffering from TKS

Austad (2009) stated that reality therapy is based on Glasser’s choice theory which emphasized on the individuals’ personal freedom which means that behavior is chosen and that one has a total control on how to act and think. Whereas, behavior therapy is consist of underlying principles that outlines a scientific approach in assessment, treatment methods, evaluation of treatment outcome, and the actual application of treatment to everyday life.

Miltenberger (2008) distinguish behavior as a way people do and say and the  occurrences has a great impact to the environment whether it may be physical or social. Behavior may at times recognizable or at times it may only be known to the individual who engage in the behavior.

Therapy Procedure: Application of Therapy Procedure to individuals suffering from TKS

Austad (2009) emphasizes that although it is not rational to present a strong sense of individualism due to cultural diversity it is important that individuals maintain a healthy interpersonal and social relationship with others across multicultural difference.

Application of Treatment

In the first stage of the treatment procedure, Thomas & Hersen (2010)  it is the goal of the therapist to development a working alliance with the patients, record important details through observing body language, gestures and verbal cues as well as to identify the underlying problems. It is also important to discuss clinical formulation and agreed on an appropriate treatment plan. As a therapist it is best to   encourage the client to self – evaluate and ask significant questions such as:

·         Is the current direction of your life best for your own interest?

·         Is the cause of fear helping or hurting you?

·         Is your current situation help or hurt other people around you?

·         Does your feeling of extreme fear affect your daily functions?

The clients will then be asked to identify the underlying cause of fear and the effect as well as the physiological manifestation. As the therapist it is important to discuss with the client regarding his/her interests and his perception on how to enhance quality behavior as well as her level of commitment and the plan of action.

Therapy procedure is based on Wubbolding (2000) SAMI²C³ plan: Simple, Attainable, Measurable, Immediate, Involve, Controlled, Committed, Consistent.

The client will describe and identify the antecedents and consequences of his behavior so that appropriate therapy procedure can be applied. The clients will be informed about basic principle in behavior and how it will help them change. Important data and information will be collected and discuss how the treatment progress and procedure be evaluated to determined the significant factors affecting the treatment procedure and its outcome (Austad 2009).

Case presentation for individual suffering from TKS

At this point the case of Larry is presented as a patient who suffers from Taijin Kyofusho Syndrome or also known as TKS. The initial assessment shows that Larry suffers from extreme fear of embarrassing or hurting other people due to what he thought his body functions, physical appearance and his attitude may cause. Because of this, he suffers severe feelings of anxiety and depression and has often experience a series of panic attack in social situation and has severely affected his day to day function. His cultural background may have contributed to the cause of the problem. As a child raised in Japan it is perceived rude or impolite to look people in the eye or show assertive behavior toward others. Through adolescence he as well suffers humiliation from bullies and parental neglect due to the fact that both parents are often out of the house to look for jobs.

Larry came to seek professional help upon realization that he needs to change his perception and “survive through his fears” in order to eventually function as what he considered to be a normal life such as to eventually get a good job, get married, have a family of his own.

Therapy treatment plan for Larry who suffers from TKS.

• Assessment and Formulation:

Larry identifies the presenting problem which is extreme fear and shyness which made him to avoid social and personal interactions. He isolates himself which cause depression and hopelessness.

When faced with a dilemma, Larry would often experienced feeling restless, tense, nervousness of expecting the worst to happen, and his mind would suddenly become blank. He would also experience excessive sweating, his heart pounding so fast, shortness of air, tremors and extreme head ache. 

The fact that Larry personally decided to seek professional attention is an indication that he is willing to commit himself in therapy that would change his behavior.

• Therapeutic Relationship:

As a therapist it is noted that an effective treatment environment is based on assuring Larry of confidentiality which would create an open and honest interaction. Each session should also be structured so that there is a total focus on significant factors that would aid the process of recovery. It is also important to empathize and that a therapist is always willing to listen and never judge. Open-ended questions are ask so Larry can elaborate on the reasons that made him seek professional help.

The goal of each session is to make Larry feel that there is a hope for him to change and that if he is motivated and committed to a treatment plan his behavior will change, after all he is the only one who is in control of himself.

• Contract, Goals and Treatment Plan:

It is the role of the therapist to guide Larry in order for him to achieve effective behavior, overcome his fears, and interact with other people without the feeling of anxiety. As well as let go of the past and move on to become a better person.

Larry is also expected to commit to every session and maintain his focus on attaining his goal.

Larry will also be guided how to deal with social interactions and expose himself for just an enough amount of time for the fear to disappear. He will learn to deal with his fears and anxiety in social situation in order for him to realize that his presence will not cause harm or embarrassment to others (Hofmann & Otto 2008).

• Techniques:

Larry is encouraged to involve himself in creating a specific treatment plan that would best work towards achieving his goal. It is also the goal of the therapist to help Larry realized that unless he stops blaming his parents, the bullies in his childhood or his cultural background he cannot be able to move on. The emphasis is focused on what he can do in the present that would change his way of life. He is encourage to take social skills training, learn a hobby that would include social interaction, exercise and join a fitness club and go on a date.

The therapist may also consult with a professional image consultant to help Larry get an assessment and advice on personal appearance and hygiene.

As a therapist it is important that Larry gains self awareness and confidence by helping him perceive himself as a competent person.

• Process of Therapy:

Larry will be informed that each session will be videotaped to provide a basis of references whether the therapy is addressing towards the specific problem or it is leading to the direction of what the goal is.

Larry is introduced to assertive behavior techniques. Assertive behavior responses will be developed in hierarchy so he can slowly practice them with the therapist through role play situation.

Larry is taught breathing techniques and social skills. He will be introduced to different social scenario through suggestion and rate his fear from 0 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. After breathing technique and appropriate skills has been related to different social situation Larry is slowly introduced to actual social situation through In Vivo flooding.

Social challenges will be given and Larry will be guided to be able to generalized one situation to another. Consequent relief to fear and anxiety is expected as well as to recognize the use of positive reinforcement.

• Termination and Outcome:

The treatment will be considered effective following the result of which Larry can be able to change from his problematic behavior which is an extreme fear of hurting and embarrassing others to an adaptive behavior. Larry will be able to associate positive reinforcement whenever appropriate behavior is successfully practice in social and interpersonal interactions. There should be an increase of positive behavior and that Larry’s respond to every treatment is positive. Towards the termination of the therapy, Larry is expected to display mastery in social skills learned as well as the effective response to difficult and challenging situation such as the use of breathing technique and relaxation.

­­­­­­­­_­­­References

American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Fourth Edition, Text Revision, Washington D.C, American Psychiatric Association, 2000

Austad C.S. (2009). Counseling and Psychotherapy Today. The McGraw-Hill Companies Inc.

Choy, Y.; Schneier F.R.; Heimberg R.G.; Oh K.S.; Liebowitz M.R. (2008). Features of the offensive subtype of Taijin-Kyofu-sho in us and Korean patients with DSM-IV social anxiety disorder.  Wiley-Liss Inc. 25, 230-240.

Hofmann S.G. & Otto M.W. (2008). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder. Routledge Taylor & Francis Group, LLC

Kowner R. (2004). When ideals are too “far-off” Physical Self-Ideal Discrepancy and Body Dissatisfaction in Japan. Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs. 130, 333-361

Maeda F. & Nathan J.H. (1999). Understanding Taijin Kyofusho through its treatment, Morita Therapy.  Elsevier Science Inc. 46, 525-530.

Miltenberger R.G. (2008). Behavior Modification: Principles and Procedures. Thomson Wadsworth.

Ryder, A.G.; Aldern L.E. &  Paulhus D.L. (2000). Is Acculturation Unidimensional or Bidimensiona? A head-to-head comparision in the Prediction of Personality, Self Identity, and Adjustment. The American Psychological Association Inc. 79, 49-65.

Thomas, J.C., & Hersen M. (2010). Handbook of Clinical Psychology Competencies. Springer Science 187-188.

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Assumption University Graduate School of Psychology Mental Health Awareness Day 2016 "Psychological First Aid"

Assumption University Graduate School of Psychology and Assumption University Counseling Services held the annual World Mental Health Day at the University's Bangna Campus on the 13th of October 2016. The goal of this event is to spread awareness on the importance of mental health and help reduce stigma so that people can have access to mental health care as soon as possible and be able to improve their lives.

This year's theme "Psychological First Aid" is very timely in connection to the various crisis and challenges we face in our world today. And although going through difficult as well as confusing times is but very common in our lives, this should not hinder us from living  our lives to the fullest. Mental health care is important because it helps us make better choices and supports us become resilient in times of crisis.

As school counselors we are also aware that one of the most challenging part of a person's life is going through the demands and pressure of being a student in keeping up with the University's expectations and standards. And although a great number of students are coping well with these demands and have maintain a positive outlook in life, others need support specially with learning how to adapt positive coping skills.

Thus, giving importance to the mental health of the students is important so that they can be guided through self discovery and become aware of their strength as individuals and be able to positively cope with the challenges they face.

The annual Mental Health Awareness Day provided an opportunity for students and non-student participants a chance to an open conversation about mental health. And the school psychologist together with the interns provided information on the common mental health problems such as anxiety, stress, positive psychology as well as other issues students face in their daily life.

Different types of psychology testing were also available such as the Career Interest Survey, Right/Left Brain Dominance Test, the VAK Learning Style Self-Assessment Questionnaire, and the Cohen Perceived Stress.

The counseling psychologist and the interns also provided information on the test results and invited the students and participants to visit the school counseling center to talk more regarding their concerns and the benefits of mental health care.

The event turn out to be a success and a huge number of students came and took the psychological test and also participated in an interactive dialogue with the counselors.

The event was also graced and honored by the presence of  Bro. Dr. Bancha Saenghiran, President-Rector of Assumption University of Thailand. Bro. Bancha shared his insights about life and also inspirational thoughts for a better life.

The event was made possible because of the support and leadership of the graduate school of psychology students, faculty and staff, Assumption University Suvarnabhumi Campus staff and the Assumption University Counseling Center Services interns.

Lastly, a peaceful and balance life is possible. And know that help is always available. It is very important that you seek professional mental health care and know that there is dignity in reaching out for help. Let me encourage you to talk to your psychotherapist or counselors about your concerns and learn more about the importance of mental health in your life.

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Bridging the Void: Teaching the Digital Natives

Nowadays, students have all the tools to access information. The internet plus the availability of various digital tools had provided them with information they can access anywhere, everywhere and anytime. And it shows that teachers are no longer the main source of information. Suddenly, we realized that our classroom orientation which used to focus on content, theory and information became the thing of the past. Google had successfully took us over.

Indeed the emergence of social media, google, podcast, blogs, youtube and smart phones had created a paradigm shift in the role of teachers and the education system. Our students learning dynamics and their learning style had changed and had taken flight to the rapid evolution of the internet and technology. Mark Prensky on his essay on Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants said that "our students have changed radically. They are no longer the people our education system was designed to teach."

So what does it mean to be a teacher in today's generation of students? We become the filter. Contrary to the general notion that the internet and technology is a disruption to learning, we need to teach them how to use it to their advantage. We should teach them how to use the available resources and tools to gather,collaborate, communicate, leverage, synthesize and validate these information.

Our curriculum should no longer focus on facts and content but on the skills our students need to learn. The questions that we ask our students should no longer be the what of things but how things work. They should be able to communicate, connect and adapt learning to live sustainably. Furthermore, students must be taught how to process information, be critical thinkers and be creative. The goal is to encourage them to create, evaluate, analyze and understand.

So as teachers how do we benefit from technology?

Communication skills (reading, writing, listening and speaking) - We can teach our students how to use social media to enhance their communication skills. We can show them how to write blogs, read and comment on relevant issues on social media, create appropriate videos to communicate with other people as well as listen to relevant issues on youtube, TedEX, podcast or any educational sites and comment or write a feedback.

Knowledge Acquisition - We can teach them how to search and locate information efficiently. We can introduce them to different databases and online library or how to determine information that are relevant.

Data-Sharing skills - We can teach our students to find and share relevant information to others who shares their interest. We can also introduce internet etiquette and exercise better judgement on what to share online.

Critical Thinking and problem solving - This is the area where we teach our students to use logic to enhance their decision making skills. They will learn how to evaluate whether the information are valid and reliable.

Independence, self-direction, and goal orientation - technology allows students to work alone, therefore we need to encourage them to be confident. Working alone should be able to motivate them rather than disengage. They should be reinforce to complete their task independently and be satisfied with the outcome.

Team or group work - students are taught to work together and collaborate through online communities. Project and group assignments can be done online through synchronous or asynchronous virtual environment. We can integrate the use of social media or web boards to create interaction between the students.

Social Skills - Students are taught how to practice personal responsibilities and ethics when socializing online. Students should be taught etiquette of electronic communication. They are also taught how to formulate sentences to avoid misunderstanding.

Creativity - students are encourage to express themselves and share information through different domains. They can channel their creativity by creating blogs, podcast, animation, planning, recording, programs and design. The internet has been a crowded source of inappropriate information. Therefore teachers should encourage the students to create educational materials related to their coursework to be able to develop their creative skill in a positive way.

Openness to Change - The lesson we can get from technology is that nothing stays the same forever. However the development and evolution of technology will create a desire in students to be open-minded and ready to adapt to change. And with the skills they learn they will be able to apply it to their lives and be flexible to the changes around them.

Hence teaching in the 21st century isn't really that complicated. And technology and the internet is our friend. So as teachers, we just need to re-evaluate how we accommodate these tools to create a meaningful and effective learning environment.


Reference

Dunn D. S. (2011) Best Practices for Technology-Enhanced Teaching and Learning Connecting to Psychology and Social Sciences. Oxford University Press
Prensky M. (2001) Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants, MCB University Press Vol. 9 No. 5

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The Psychology of Internet: Friend or Foe

Have you ever thought a life without the internet? Well, to some it would be a very comforting thing to think about or to others a tragic phenomenon we can't even dare think about. It seems that nowadays, our online life has become vital to our existence and the more we deny its dominance, the more we become reliant to it like we need air to live.

The Internet is the new frontier human kind has yet to explore and its influence has been increasing in our lives and has evidently change our society and the way we live. Prof. Yair Amichai-Hamburger, director of research center and computer psychology dubbed it as the 'Internet Revolution' which he compared to the 'Industrial Revolution' of the 19th Century. Our use of the internet is becoming vast and growing and there have been so much literature written about its effect in our lives bad or good.

With the emergence of social media, online communities, activities and learning, we have become more involved and spend more time on internet presence than we usually do. And although some have presented the void of actual human interaction and the lack of authenticity, communication has become extensive more so limitless that it has bridged the gap across boundaries and culture.

So, why do some of us prefer to use the internet? Gila Kurts on the study of The Internet And It's Psychological Context" presented four factors which differentiate internet  from actual face to face interaction.

Greater Anonymity - Online presence allow people to easily maintain a mysterious facade. And this gives them freedom to express themselves freely and detached them from social norms. This  also makes them express sincerity than they would normally do on a face to face interaction. But apparently anonymity has also given way to too much freedom to hurt and bash people in just a click away (but my thoughts regarding this issue will be discussed separately).

Diminution of Physical Appearance - People are often judged by their physical appearance. It is a determinant of how others will perceive us. However in an online environment, being physically appraised by others have become the least factor and this has provided a different basis for interaction.

Greater Control Over Time and Place - For me online interaction has given another meaning on the phrase "sleep on it". You may have done this quite often every time you are talking about a delicate issue or something you don't want to address right away. So instead of blurting out something that you may regret later, you can stay on seen mode and give it time to process that way it is less impulsive than face to face. This may also mean that online presence can be done anytime and anywhere at your convenience.

Finding Similar Others - For introvert people like me, the internet has become a friendly place to find "your people". These are people who shares the same interest and goals. The 1971 Maslow's hierarchy of needs significantly presented the need to belong which is essential to our well-being. So finding people that resonates your own lifestyle is healthy to the self-esteem.

So is internet our friend or foe? Well, whatever it ensures and how relevant it is in our lives, we can't deny the fact that internet has now become  part of our lives. This is the internet era, and to the words of Stephen Hawking, "we are all now connected by the internet, like neurons in a giant brain."

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Social Anxiety Series Part II: Breathing and How to Regulate It

There are a number of techniques and treatment to help us cope with social anxiety. For instance, breathing is very important, obviously, it keeps us alive. However, if our breathing becomes uncontrolled it could lead to physiological changes in our body that may increase anxiety. So the key is to monitor your breathing rate and pattern.

Like for example, you are in a social situation and suddenly you feel dizzy, your vision becomes blurred and you experience light headedness. This may be a result of over breathing which cause an oxygen reduction in some parts of the brain.

Accordingly, over breathing for a longer period of time may make you lose energy and makes you feel exhausted. And that is why when you experience anxiety, you feel dizzy, you experience hot flashes or sweat because when you feel anxious, you started to breathe fast.

So how do we regulate our breathing? There are two kinds of breathing, one is chest breathing and the other is stomach breathing. So the way to determine how you are breathing is to put your hand on your collar bone and the other hand on your stomach and take a deep breathe. If your stomach expands with less collar bone movement, you are breathing through your nose which is a good sign that your breathing is helpful. However if there is more chest movement, it means that you are breathing through your mouth, and this kind of breathing is usually related to  anxiety.

How you breathe is the key so here are ways to help you control your breathing.

1. You can sit comfortably on a chair with your legs apart or you can do a yoga sitting position on the floor. Make sure that you are comfortable in your position.

2. When your shoulders, chest and jaws are relaxed, slowly breathe in through your nose.

3. Relax and breathe in and expand your waist so your stomach inflates. (you can place your dominant hand over your stomach to check if it inflates when you breathe in.)

4. Breathe naturally. Avoid deep breathing.

5. Breathe out through your mouth and release the air from your chest.

6. Maintain breathing low and slow and focus on the movement of your stomach.

You can use this technique whenever you feel symptoms of anxiety to positively cope with it. However, it may take a while to get use to it.  So practice until it becomes your second nature. Till next time and I hope you find this post helpful.

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Social Anxiety Series Part 1: How to Identify Unhealthy Thinking Styles

It is sad that anxiety is keeping you from doing things you would have love to do.

It is common to feel shy and anxious in social situations.  For most people they would overcome these uncomfortable reactions and would proceed to accomplished the task and go through with it. But others cope with it by avoiding the situation which would distract their daily lives and hinder them from doing the things they want to do.

Take note though that social anxiety is not being able to feel all the emotional, mental and physiological discomfort but the number of times you avoid social situations because you don't want to experience the way it makes you feel . You suddenly began to hide from anyone or stay away from situations because  even the thought of it makes you feel anxious, makes your heart beats faster, makes your palms sweaty, your breathing becomes irregular and you become light headed and feel like fainting. These reactions would make it impossible for you to function effectively.

These are the common signs of Social Anxiety 

• Palpitations - your heart beats so fast in social situations or when you are doing an act.
• Shaking and your  breathing  becomes short and you feel like choking.
• You feel the tightness in your chest and it makes you want to vomit.
• Hot flashes and you feel like you are going to faint
• Numbness and your throat and mouth becomes dry
• Blushing and may feel hypersensitive to criticism and what others thinks
• Avoid social contact and reluctant to involve in social situation in fear of doing or saying something wrong.
• Avoid social performance.

There is a general assumption that people and situation cause the way we feel. We have the tendency to think that the way we feel is based on the what people do and what certain situations we are in. But there is what we call a thinking-feeling connection which means that our thoughts actually influenced the way we feel. There are different kinds of automatic thoughts;  Neutral thought “I will make a presentation in the class today.”   Positive thought “I can do it.” And the Negative thought “I am going to fail and everyone will laugh at me.” These negative thoughts will often lead to feelings of anxiety and cause you to suffer emotionally. This is what we also call “unhealthy thinking styles” these thoughts often becomes a default thinking mechanism which makes it impossible for us to process “healthy” thinking. 

Accordingly, our thoughts create different emotions, so it is important to recognize what you are telling yourself or what were you thinking and how it makes you feel before or during an action. 

There are different kinds of unhealthy thinking styles for example:

·         The Mental Filter - this is when you only think of one situation that could happen and ignore any other possible outcome.

·         The Shouding and Musting - These are not always unhealthy thinking. But if you find yourselves making unreasonable efforts to achieve the expectations you make to yourselves and others, this will cause pressure and anxiety.

·         Jumping to Conclusions – this is where we assume or make prediction about the worst that can happen. For example: I am going to fail, people will laugh at me. I am going to say something stupid, people will not talk to me and think I am weird, and a lot more.

·         Overgeneralization - this is when you gather all negative assumptions and apply it to your present and future situations.  For instance, if you tell yourself ‘I will never be good at…, I will always fail, or everyone will think I am not smart enough… 

·         Personalization – this is when you blame yourself every time something bad happens or you think will happen.

·         Labeling – this is when you identify and behave yourself according to the global notion that categorizes or classifies people. For example, when you say ‘I am a shy person, I will never do well in a crowd, I am not a good public speaker or I am always the clumsy one. These types of unhealthy thinking will somehow create a self-fulfilling prophecy which often leads to anxiety and stop you from making progress.

·         Catastrophizing – this is where the “blow out of proportion” phrase comes in. It is when you think that something bad, awful or embarrassing will happen before the action actually happens. This will lead to fear and anxiety and will often lead to avoidance.

·         Emotional Reasoning – this is when your perception of the situation is based on how you feel towards it. For instance, when the only proof something bad is going to happen is because you feel bad about it or when you make a conclusion that it is true base on your emotions and feelings. For example, when you tell yourself  I feel like I am going to make a mistake , I feel that my skills are not good enough…etc.

·         Black and White Thinking – This is when you think that you can either passed or fail. And there is nothing else you can do about it.

·         Magnification and Minimization – This is when you compare you performance based on the thought that others are great and your performance doesn’t matter. You have the tendency to magnify the accomplishments of other people and then you think less of yourself.

So, how do we identify "unhealthy" thinking styles and what can we do about it.

#1 Identify your feelings - Do you feel tense, anxious, panicky, uneasy, nervous, scared, exited, calm, euphoric? and the list goes on. In this case, common feelings associated with social anxiety are only mentioned.

#2 Identify your automatic thoughts – it is common for people to have "unhealthy" thinking style and a lot of them have overcome it by adapting positive coping skills. These are examples of unhealthy thoughts  "I am going to fail", "people are going to think I am stupid", "I will look foolish" , "I have always failed, so why is this different"  and so on.

#3 Remember thoughts are not feelings – you may say “I feel nervous” when you are actually thinking 'people will laugh at me if you make a mistake.' Also, you are probably thinking that people are expecting you to perform well therefore, you feel anxious or tense. Often times it is difficult to determine feeling from thinking. The key is to identify what you tell yourself and how you feel about it.

#4 Identify feelings from thoughts – doing an exercise on making a connection between your thoughts and feeling can be helpful. You can write a journal about different situations where you usually feel tense or anxious, what are the statements (unhealthy thinking) you often tell yourself and then determine how it makes you feel.   For example, you are going to make a class presentation (situation). Then you tell yourself, “My teacher is very strict, I am going to make mistakes and fail (unhealthy thinking) you feel anxious, nervous and scared (feelings) then your heart started to beat fast, you start to sweat and feel like you are going to faint (physiological reaction).

#5 Create alternative thoughts – once you identify the cycle, go back to what you tell yourself/ unhealthy thinking and replace it with positive alternative thoughts.

For example you can tell yourself…

• This is my first time, when I am done, I would be happy I did what I can.
• I feel anxious but I will focus on my performance, the feelings I have now will be gone once I am done.
• I will do what I have to do and whatever that result is, there is always something I can do about it if not, I can let go and move on.
• What I feel right now is part of the process, once I get used to it, the feelings will slowly go away.
• I am focus on what I can do at the moment.

So those are the tips you can do on your way to overcome social anxiety. Please stay tune for more coping strategies and techniques. If you have any questions or suggestions please feel free to leave a comment or send me a message.

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